Good Words from Good Books

"'...listening affirms people.  Indeed, it is one of the highest forms of affirmation.  When we listen, we invite another person to exist.' Listening and allowing people to talk helps them clarify their thoughts and find ways to sort through the challenges they face with someone who supports them."  p. 107 "If we don't help them, they may lose trust that the Church and its leadership can answer the questions that are important to them.  Many faith-challenging issues don't have clear answers; we simply don't know enough, so in addition to communicating the best information we have, we may need to help others see a pathway of faith even in the absence of straightforward answers."  p. 137 "'I needed someone to show me that it was love that was the strongest and largest cord that bound us together, not our common belief in the Church."  p. 157 "With Christ as our example, we minister, listen to, understand, and are blessed by

"Because I haven't been socialized to see myself or to be seen by other whites in racial terms, I don't carry the psychic weight of race; I don't have to worry about how others feel about my race. Nor do I worry that my race will be held against me." p. 54 "As a culture, we don't claim that gender roles and gender conditioning disappear the moment we love someone of the "opposite" gender...We understand that gender is a very deep social construct, that we have different experiences depending on our gender roles, assignments, and expressions, and that we will wrestle with these differences throughout the life of our relationship. Yet when the topic is race, we claim that it is completely inoperative if there is any level of fond regard." p. 80 "A parent training a child not to say certain things that are overtly racist is teaching the child self-censorship rather than how to examine the deeply embedded racial messages we all absor

"This is how willpower becomes a habit: by choosing a certain behavior ahead of time, and then following that routine when an inflection point arrives." p. 146 "I really, genuinely believe that if you tell people that they have what it takes to succeed, they'll prove you right." p. 149 "When people are asked to do something that takes self-control, if they think they are doing it for personal reasons--if they feel like it's a choice or something they enjoy because it helps someone else--it's much less taxing. If they feel they have no autonomy, if they're just following orders, their willpower muscles get tired much faster." p. 151 "Change might not be fast and it isn't always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped. The framework: *Identify the routine *Experiment with rewards *Isolate the cue *Have a plan" p. 276 Figure out the "habit loop" (Cue-Routine-Reward.) Find a different